written on Friday, November 8, 2024

I wrote in the past about how I'm a pessimist that strives for positive outcomes. One of the things that I gradually learned is is wishing others to succeed. That is something that took me a long time to learn. I did not see the value in positive towards other people's success, but there is. There is one thing to be sceptical to a project or initiative, but you can still encourage the other person and wish them well.

I think not wishing others well is a coping mechanism of sorts. For sure it was for me. As you become more successful in life, it becomes easier to be supportive, because you have established yourself in one way or another and you feel more secure about yourself.

That said, there is something I continue to struggle with, and that are morals. What if the thing the other person is doing seems morally wrong to me? I believe that much of this struggle stems from the fear of feeling complicit in another's choices. Supporting someone — even passively — can feel like tacit approval, and that can be unsettling. Perhaps encouragement doesn't need to imply agreement. Another angle to consider is that my discomfort may actually stem from my own insecurities and doubts. When someone's path contradicts my values, it can make me question my own choices. This reaction often makes it hard to wish them well, even when deep down I want to.

What if my tribe is just wrong on something? I grew up with the idea of “never again”. Anything that remotely looks like fascism really triggers me. There is a well known propaganda film from the US Army called “Don't Be a Sucker” which warns Americans about the dangers of prejudice, discrimination, and fascist rhetoric. I watched this a few times over the years and it still makes me wonder how people can fall for that kind of rhetoric.

But is it really all that hard? Isn't that happening today again? I have a very hard time supporting what Trump or Musk are standing for or people that align with them. Trump's rhetoric and plans are counter to everything I stand for and the remind me a lot of that film. It's even harder for me with Musk. His morals are completely off, he seems to a person I would not want to be friends with, yet he's successful and he's pushing humanity forward.

It's challenging to reconcile my strong opposition to their (and other's) rhetoric and policies with the need to maintain a nuanced view of them. Neither are “literal Hitler”. Equating them with the most extreme historical figures oversimplifies the situation and shuts down productive conversation.

Particularly watching comedy shows reducing Trump to a caricature feels wrong to me. Plenty of his supporters have genuine concerns. I find it very hard to engage with these complexities and it's deeply uncomfortable and quite frankly exhausting.

Life becomes simpler when you just pick a side, but it will strip away the deeper understanding and nuance I want to hold onto. I don’t want to fall into the trap of justifying or defending behaviors I fundamentally disagree with, nor do I want to completely shut out the perspectives of those who support him. This means accepting that people I engage with, might see things very differently, and that maintaining those relationships and wishing them well them requires a level of tolerance I'm not sure I possess yet.

The reason it's particularly hard to me that even if I accept that my tribe maybe wrong in parts, I can see the effects that Trump and others already had on individuals. Think of the Muslim travel ban which kept families apart for years, his border family separation policy, the attempted repeal of Section 230. Some of it was not him, but people he aligned with. Things like the overturning of Roe v. Wade and the effects it had on women, the book bans in Florida, etc. Yes, not quite Hitler, but still deeply problematic for personal freedoms. So I can't ignore the harm that some of these policies have caused in the past and even if I take the most favorable view of him, I have that track record to hold against him.

In the end where does that leave me? Listening, understanding, and standing firm in my values. But not kissing the ring. And probably coping by writing more.

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